As humans, we crave connection, when it comes to relationships, we all have our own preferences and ideals. This can range from finding the ‘perfect’ partner to committing to someone even if they aren’t our ideal match. The classic tale of ‘Beauty and the Beast’ is an unexpected romance between a beautiful and kind-hearted girl and a beastly prince who was cursed. Despite their differences in appearance and personality, the two characters form a bond and eventually develop feelings for each other. This story is considered to be a prime example of how choosing like over love can lead to a lasting and fulfilling relationship.
I was once told relationships based on shared values, interests, and personality are much more likely to last. It makes sense, people who share commonalities are likely to have a deeper understanding of each other, leading to a stronger bond and a lasting partnership. But sometimes we find ourselves drawn to someone who doesn't fit our ideal match. Whether this is due to their personality, physical appearance, or values, it doesn't necessarily mean this kind of connection is doomed to fail.
Last year I met someone who didn’t fit my stereotypical checklist, taking the risk and getting it SO wrong has led me to know, with no doubt or uncertainty, the qualities I need in any future relationship. I do have a tendency to rush in, heart first, head later. I have learnt from experience how important it is for me to get to know someone really well, and the only way you can get to know someone is by taking things slow. The more time you spend with someone, the more opportunity you have to find out who they really are.
When we first meet someone, we are often only shown their best version, they are on their best behaviour, and only show the qualities they want us to see. It can lead us to becoming so taken by someones charm that you completely overlook their flaws. The longer you spend getting to know someone, the more likely you are to see not only their strengths, their quirks, but the parts of their personality they may have tried to keep hidden. In reality it is only when you start to see these flaws that you can decide if their flaws are something you can live with, or if they are deal breakers. It was hidden flaws that ended up being a dealbreaker for me, but it made me really appreciate the qualities I admire and need in any future relationship - integrity, honesty and respect.
I think getting to know someone well deepens the level of intimacy in a relationship. When you share your thoughts, feelings, hopes, and dreams with someone, you become vulnerable. It takes courage and openness to reveal yourself to another person, but it is only when we do, that we create a level of closeness and understanding essential to a healthy relationship. Relationships require work. There is no one right way to go about them, every individual has their own preferences and ideals.
Another thing I've discovered - 'like' is just as important as 'love'. A solid foundation of liking each other’s personalities, qualities and values can lead to a fulfilling, long-lasting partnership. Who knew finding someone so "wrong" could lead to discovering the beautiful qualities I never knew I needed in a relationship. I still truly believe the most important thing with regards to relationships is to remain open-minded, and to follow your heart, rather than sticking to any conventional idea or expectation of what a relationship should look like.
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